Some of my new clients are choosing to incorporate a ceremonial symbol of their unity into the wedding. One spring favorite is combining the soil from their divergent home towns into one common vessel. Later, a tree will be planted in the blended soil to represent their new roots and the branches which symbolize shelter, children, family and friends. I’ve also led couples in water pouring, sand pouring and the traditional unity candle lighting.

Whatever the symbol, the marriage ceremony itself charts the beginning of a new course and a new oneness that forever changes the individuals involved. As your Celebrant, I am honored to lead you through this important milestone.

Best wishes to all who prepare to step across the threshold this year into their new lives together.

I can’t tell you it’s okay to get married after a short romance. What I try to find out is why you have decided to make this commitment now. How deep is your understanding of this person you want to marry so quickly? Have you had the most important conversations of all? For example, have you asked what you believe in, how do you feel about children, what are your priorities in life, and what is your spiritual/faith background? And don’t forget these bone-chilling discussions: what are your greatest fears? What’s your view of family financial plans and what are your thoughts about saving vs spending? What are your goals and where would you like to be in five years?

If you have really done the work of getting to know what makes each other tick, then all the time in the world will not change those core issues and beliefs.

I speak from experience. I married the love of my life after knowing him for only six months. We’ll be celebrating our 30th anniversary this year!

And I realize Waylon captured the problem perfectly. Despite poor results with this tactic, we keep searching for someone that embodies all we’re missing. We continually look for someone we think will fulfill our lives and satisfy the emptiness inside our hearts. But when we keep looking Outside ourselves for this completion, we will never find it.
Zen master Diane Musho Hamilton writes: “Love is spontaneously arising…. It is our fundamental nature. There’s nowhere to go. You don’t have to do anything. All you’ve got to do is get out of the way. It’s all right here. There literally is nothing to do….. It always is available, it’s always present, it’s not even an it, it’s you, it’s your life. It’s just right here.”
Is it possible that all we need is to tap into the Source within ourselves? If we can love and forgive and accept our own self fully, can we then be whole and stop looking for love in all the wrong places?
Best wishes on finding the love you need within,
—- and Happy 2011!

Yet, the seasons of our lives are not as welcomed. Few of us can celebrate getting old, for example, or saying goodbye to a loved one who has passed on. It’s hard to be happy when a dear friend moves far away across the country. And no one rejoices when they lose a job or a marriage.

But these are all seasons of life. Each change brings an array of conflicting feelings, but along with it, there’s always the hope that the new beginning will bring good things. I’m constantly inspired by the couples that I marry because they are so eager and willing to begin the new chapter of their lives together. They do not know what the future holds, but their love gives them the courage to step into the unknown with faith.

As you walk your path into this autumn season, go well. Take time to see the changing colors of your life and celebrate each new beginning.

When I meet with couples who want me to conduct their wedding ceremonies, I look for the connections. They often tell me about how they discovered each other and how they realized they were the right fit for life. It’s like two of the pieces of the puzzle found each other. What could be better than that! A marriage, after all, is the combining of the two individuals into a new combined whole. The individual pieces always retain their uniqueness but together they create a dynamic new oneness. The pieces of the puzzle have snapped together as their life begins as a couple. It’s a mystery how this happens and why some people find the right puzzle piece and others don’t. But when it works right, everyone can sense it.

Congratulations to my newest wedded couple, Sara and James! Your happiness lights up the world where you live and work.

Whether or not this natural phenomenon was the inspiration, many of the world’s religions and secular groups celebrate the vernal equinox with rites and rituals. Easter, the sacred Christian observation, comes at the same time that Passover is observed by the Jews and many non-religious, secular groups celebrate with a variety of events as well.

For me, knowing that we have arrived at the halfway point between winter and summer on a day that is equal in darkness and light does deserve some ceremonial observation. The half darkness/half light symbolizes the half-awakening of the spirit. At any point on the next phase of our journey, we can choose to go back into hibernation and darkness. But if we should choose to go toward the light, the new green leaves on the trees and the spring blooms of the flowers will be our joyous companions.

These choices and the arriving at a half-way mark calls for a rite of spring. Short of howling at the moon, what ceremoniously can best express this point on our path? Have you created or found rites of spring you could share? I’d be happy to hear what others are doing to celebrate this spring passage.

Sometimes, when all the doors are closing to us, it’s because the universe is providing a little nudge to help us move on. When we feel that we’re swimming against the current and everything is opposing us, it may be time to have a personal ceremonial ritual to bring us to the place where we can make a decision about our next step.

One of the simplest personal ceremonies we can do is to plunge into water. Just a shower or a bath will do the trick nicely. While in the shower or bath, focus your thoughts on the gift of water and how essential it is to our health and lives. Give thanks for the water. Then ask it to cleanse and clear your being so that you are free of the fear of moving forward.

I am using the symbol of water in an upcoming wedding ceremony that I’ll perform this spring. The bride and groom will both bring vials of water from their favorite, separate places. As a symbol of the blending of their two lives together, they will pour their vials of water together into a beautiful vase that they will keep. They chose water to symbolize that they were willing and ready to plunge their lives together into the next chapter. The blending of the two into one is perfectly reflected in the water ceremony.

So when you get stuck in a pattern and can’t find a way to move forward, take a bath!

When I work with couples embarking on a lifetime commitment to each other, I see the unfettered happiness and willingness to make one of the biggest changes they will ever make in their lives…marriage. Some people are nervous about the ceremony or worried that they will not be able to get their words out during their vows. But usually they are ready and willing to take this monumental step.

I have to admire the courage these couples have to take on this new commitment. And their open willingness to plunge into this change inspires me and everyone at their ceremony.

So when I face a challenge with a big change ahead, I think about this awesome step that these people are taking. And it gives me the courage to take on whatever lies ahead.

It goes without saying that you should go into this with a lot of thought and realize that it will require extra planning. It may also be more expensive once you factor in the travel. However, I think you can create something that is very special for you and your guests by finding a spot that resonates with your hearts. That’s what your ceremony should be, after all. It needs to be done at the place that you feel is the best expression of your love, commitment, and personal histories.

Most people who contact a Celebrant to conduct their ceremony are really looking for something different. They hope that their ceremony will be unique and reflect their individual personalities, and it should. If you choose a “destination wedding,” you automatically begin with a theme that’s about you and carries that theme throughout the entire experience.

Just learn to love the haze and the pull of two different directions. Honor the complete ambiguity of this time of our lives. One thing we can be sure of, it won’t last. This, too, shall pass! It always does.

And Happy New Year!